Remember Green Day’s catchy, melancholic song? Yep, Wake Me Up When September Ends. It was musically and literally ok until people in the web started using it like crazy every time the busier month of September comes. Just stop, really. Anyway, the post’s not written to rant about the catchphrase. I just used it to describe how, on the contrary, I haven’t got enough sleep the whole time September was wheeling.
I guess I began getting used to roller coaster months. One will after you juggle work, graduate school, extra curricular activities and social life. Or maybe I’m just a loser trying to justify things with the seemingly busy schedule I have. Well, maybe. But not really. I mean, I find joy in my twisted timetable and semi-tortorous activities. Not that I involve myself in fatal stuff. It’s just that I push my body too much.
And yes, I’m rambling phrases in the middle of the night. Again.
Anyway, I’m happy to note that even with my killer deadlines for grad school stuff, the mounting pressure brought by my Umbridge-like bosses, and the equally demanding work load, I get to enjoy and relax at least for a few hours. Yesterday, I was talking to friend about how badly I want to finish my two-page things-to-do and just speed up towards the more calming days of December. And that no matter how much I try finishing tasks within the supposed deadlines, I end up producing half-baked outputs, which of course makes me feel worse and frustrated.
Being the guru of self-help, she told me about the Art of Not Trying— of letting things go with their natural course, of exerting just the right amount of effort, and allowing myself room to breathe. Well, it hit me. I’ve been pressuring myself to accomplish more tasks than I can possibly handle; all in the name of hitting the targets I wrote when I planned for the “initiation phase.” Basically, stretching ourselves too thinly saps our energy and very well affects our productivity. We try to meet every deadline with that veiled hope that we impress our superiors of our youthful strength and intellectual vigor and in the process, prove the naysayers wrong. The flip side happens; which is equal parts sad, frustrating and sometimes enraging.
Conversations like those allowed me to think and look back. I remembered saying the same thing to another friend who’s agitated to prove himself better. We really go through that phase, eh. Anyway, accomplishing tasks without too much pressure for this extended weekend. Out of those ten school stuff to finish, I was able to cross out four. Intending to cross out at least three more this week. There are additional extra curricular matters to attend to, and I was also able to cross them out of my list one by one. Two more remains and there’s enough time to finish those. Focusing on school on the next few hours to lessen the pile. Hehehe.
Lauryn Hill’s Miseducation album is on repeat until I get to finish one more task. I happened to stumble upon this beautifully-written article defending Hill’s musical decisions. As a fan of different musical artists, I generally agree with the writer’s idea that true and honest artists make art for themselves and not really for their audience. It’s not selfish. Art is an expression of ones’ self, and whether you like it or not, would not really matter as long as the artist gets to articulate what has long been wracking their brains at that moment.
The same logic is applicable to the stuff we bury ourselves upon. Whether its work or school or whatever, if it’s important to us then it has to be considered art. It has to be honest and true. We may listen to critics but whatever they say should not cloud the decisions we may have to make. And no matter how many deadlines pressure us, the quality of our outputs should not suffer.
So yep, balancing the art of not trying and the art of expressing. It’s challenging but I’d like to think I successfully did those before. The shackles of laziness and procrastination should not deter me from overcoming these freaking deadlines.
Speaking of deadlines, I’m ending this post to return to the paper topics I’m googling. Thanking God right now for Muslims and their strategically placed holidays— there is enough time!
Happy Eidl Adha!
Labels: 2014, 23, blessings, make good art, midnight blabber, school, work